Inhale, Exhale, Inhale, Exhale...

So I am a worrier.  This is one thing I do well.  I have to plan, pre-plan and pre-pre-plan to feel comfortable going forward.  I hate surprises, please don't surprise me; I mean that.  There have been countless nights I've laid awake and worried, times when my pre-pre planning has fell through and surprises that caught me off guard.  On the eve before we leave for Seattle for our embryo transfer I can not help but be overwhelmed with emotions, anxiety and the inevitable fear of the unknown, going forward.  I've taken on the mindset of not allowing any negative thoughts about our upcoming transfer and I've done well.  But lets face it, I'm human.  Even the strongest of minds must entertain the notions of "What If".  I've struggled with facing these thoughts and essentially put them on the back burner.  Maybe sharing these all too real feelings will bring some relief to the adrenaline pumping through my body and the breath it is stealing from me.

Shortly after Cody came home from work I had my first nightmare about our journey.  Quite astonishing to me because I usually do not remember my dreams and I can only count on one hand the times in my life I actually wake up feeling my dream was reality.  None the less, I dreamt that our transfer was unsuccessful.  ****Side Note****I'm writing this blog post in the middle of a HUGE lightening storm, WEIRD?!  In my dream, Cody and I didn't accompany Bridget to our transfer in Seattle and I received a text from her saying that we were not pregnant.  I woke up, Cody was lying next to me and I went to our bathroom and sat in there and cried.  I then got up, grabbed my phone to reread my texts as I often do, and there was not a single text from Bridget about a failed transfer.  Because it was in fact a dream!  I didn't share this with Cody for a few days because I was still trying to practice not letting negative thoughts into my mind.  But I realized, this is all a part of our journey.  There's no guarantee that our transfer will be successful, on a larger note, there's no guarantees in our lives that we even have tomorrow.  Even as I write this now, Cody sat beside me, cheers'ed making our baby and said "We love this, you LOVE rain!  I LOVE lightening storms!  This is a good thing."  It's all about perspective- there's beauty in all things, every situation.  Ours is a little different than the normal, but exhilarating and occupying in every sense. 

We have very little control over how things will progress after our Seattle trip, but I do know for certain we have pretty amazing things happening for us.  We have Bridget who is surpassing expectations on a weekly, daily and hourly basis.  She has done exceptional preparing for OUR transfer and has aligned herself perfectly.  Cody has done his part- if you ever get the chance someday and you want to laugh, ask him about "his part".  :)  And I've done a pretty good job paying our bills, coordinating and managing this blog!  All in all, we are ready, actually we were ready the moment we read our email from Bridget that said, "Let's make you your baby!"  Yet...I still can't catch my breath.

Maybe, I can't breathe because I've never felt so strongly about wanting something and that something being only the feeling of love in our hearts at this moment.  Love that we want reflected of ourselves in our baby.  We have so many positive things on our side and I can not wait to hear what tomorrow brings.  Today we heard from our nurse coordinator Leigh, that of our 7 oocytes that thawed, 6 survived and all fertilized.  Tomorrow we find out how well they are doing and whether we transfer on day 3 (Saturday) or day 5 (Monday) when they are blastocysts.  I know that's confusing and there's a learning curve when speaking IVF and surrogacy, but basically the Endocrinologist watches the cells over a 48 hour period of time and decides if it's better to transfer the strongest embryo at day 3 or after growing a little more at day 5.  We will be on board and excited for either!  Stay tuned for news tomorrow!

Ending thoughts, I'm inevitably going to be nervous and worried even though we are solid and only have positive happenings on our side up until this point.  I wouldn't be human or a good mother if my concern wasn't to protect my family, their hearts and our feelings.  I believe, that's my mantra, our mantra and now more than ever, all of your thoughts, prayers and kind words are carrying me. 

I asked Bridget tonight what I should expect to happen on Transfer Day, she replied, "To get pregnant!"  Yes...That is what we expect.  Simple.

xoxo

Erin

We're getting closer

I can't believe the day is almost here. We all meet in Seattle in 2 days. This has been an amazing journey so far.
I had my monitoring appointment last Friday to tell us were right on schedule. I was a little nervous heading into that appt. So often I hear of surrogates struggling to get their estrogen levels where they need to be or their lining is too thin. I felt a huge relief that I was right where they expected them to be. (Ok, lets be honest, it was a little more than they were hoping for, but what can I say, I'm an overachiever.)
Today the eggs are being thawed and fertilized. We will find out on Friday whether we will transfer on Saturday or Monday.
I am starting to get really nervous for this weekend. I'm trying my best to not think too much about it but I know as soon as we all see each other I will really be feeling nervous. There is so much riding on this transfer. Emotionally, financially and physically. And I feel like its all on me. In reality I know that even in the best of circumstances things don't work out and in the worst of circumstances beautiful babies are still made. So it really is all a crap shoot when it comes down to it. But I'm still feeling the pressure. However all that said, I am really excited to get to Seattle and get this transfer done. I have a really good feeling about all this. I have had a good feeling about Cody & Erin from the start. I won the Jackpot when they chose my as their surrogate.
Erin shared my PIO needle the other night. I started that last night. I have to do a shot in the rear every night. I'm also doing estrogen pills 3x a day and 1 baby aspirin a day. I haven't had any real side effects yet, except some awful acne. I guess when my estrogen levels are in the 500's, that's to be expected. I know within a few days I'll be feeling my backside getting sore. I've also had a headache off and on for a few days but that might be related to the thick smoke in the air here. Or the meds, or maybe just having 3 kids that drive me crazy. Who knows??

Can't wait to update from Seattle!!

5 Days Until Seattle!!

Only 5 days until Seattle!  We are so excited, we've been trying to get all of our ducks in a row to make the trip.  We have a great VRBO reserved on Lake Washington for a couple days of relaxing and laying low with Bridget.  Speaking of Bridget...

Need I say it again?  She's AMAZING!  She had an ultrasound and blood draw last week to check her estradiol level again and the thickness of her uterine lining to prepare for transfer.  Her estradiol level needed to be over 105- nailed it, she's at 506!  Our doctors wanted to see her uterine lining above 7mm and B's is 12 mm.  She blew 7mm out of the water.   Because she is doing so well, she luckily gets to utilize that gigantic needle above, for all the nurses and healthcare professionals out there, it is a 25 gauge needle that has .5 ml-1 ml progesterone in oil (very viscous) in it.  She will start giving herself these injections for the next 5 days and will continue for 10-12 weeks post transfer if she becomes pregnant.  These injections are painful and daily.  Keep her in your thoughts and prayers, she deserves every one!

Our lives don't ever seem to slow down, we are running a marathon in the Sigler household.  Jaiden has been recovering for the last 6 months following a meniscus repair in her R knee since an injury benched her in February of last year.  She started her sophomore year of volleyball tryouts last Friday and received great news of making the Belgrade JV and Varsity teams.  She is a young, incredibly talented and passionate setter.  We are all very excited for the season.

Olivia started her first year of competitive soccer here in Bozeman and will be doing a lot of traveling in the coming months.  She gave up softball last year to focus on soccer because that is her favorite.  She is brave and plays with the Bozeman league, which is separate from her middle school in Belgrade.  She's finally growing like a weed now that we have weathered what we hope was the storm of her Thyroid disease. 

What this really means for us is, at least 2 practices a night Monday- Friday's, sometimes games included, possibly in different cities, and at times even different states.  With Cody working in PNG we are going to busy!  That being said...we are so incredibly blessed to have these athletic experiences with our girls.  Go Panthers and Bozeman Blitzz!

Cody is adjusting to life at home just in time to turn around and head back to work for another month.  His first hitch away he lost 23 pounds!  Today is our 70th day of marriage and he received his 3rd wedding ring in the mail!  With all the weight he lost he lost a whole ring size as well.  This next hitch he plans on taking some American food with him so he has sufficient caloric intake.  :)  We've been spending a lot of time on the golf course and our raft on the river soaking up as much Montana sunshine as possible.  We were lucky enough to have dinner with a friend of ours who we've known since Kindergarten.  This last weekend we spent an afternoon with Cody's dad and sister's family at Pine Creek celebrating a very special birthday to our niece Virginia Skye.  We are cherishing our friendships and family every chance we get.  With our busy schedule it's been hard to find time for everyone, but we are doing the best we can with our limited time. 

Our sights are set on Seattle now...the countdown is on!

xo

Cody Here!

Yesterday my beautiful wife arranged a welcome home party for me.  I was so excited to show everyone what my life had consisted of in the last few weeks with a small slide show that I had prepared from my 1st rotation in PNG.  The last few weeks of missing my girls dearly, and thinking and hoping B's (Bridget's) check-ups go well it was a welcome site to see their smiling faces again.  I can't express how fortuntate I feel to have such a great life, an amazing supportive family, the love of my life beside me, and the girls making my life feel complete.  B's appointments went amazing!  We are so blessed with her!  Today we bought the tickets for all of us to go to Seattle, the days are counting down to game time and I couldn't be more excited!  It's been a great day, and everyday it's getting closer for us!  We have to be the luckiest people on earth with our family and Bridgets huge heart!  bye for now talk to ya soon!

Cody

Welcome Home Party (A day late...)

We had a welcome home party for Cody last night with our family and some of our friends.  It was fun for Cody to share photos and stories of his first Papua New Guinea experience.  Both of Cody's parents, his sister and her family (our newest niece Everleigh is 3 weeks old!) and my Mom were able to come over.  We have so many new things happening here every day.

We purchased our plane tickets for our trip to Seattle next week, one GIANT step closer.  This picture is from yesterday when we had 12 days left...only 11 now.  :)  Bridget is such a trooper, she is on a lot of hormones to prepare for transfer and she's starting to get have some side effects.  Imagine...large doses of estrogen, daily.  As she says though, it's nothing she can't handle.  She has another ultrasound on Thursday that will give us a great preview into our schedule of events next week. 

I have to include that I had my first "Are you pregnant?" question by a friend today!!  NOT QUITE YET...hopefully in a few days though!  ;)  I did also explain our situation and how excited we are for this journey.  I'm expecting this question often in the next year, and I'll welcome it every time.

13 Days and Counting

We made it through the weekend after Cody returned from his first hitch in Papua New Guinea!  Our hometown was full of life, energy and love the past few days.  The minute Cody landed in Bozeman we headed to Livingston for The Hoot, the following day was Cody's cousin Beau's wedding rehearsal dinner for the wedding on Saturday afternoon.

This was our first big family function since extending our welcome for everyone to join us on our surrogacy journey.  The warm reception we've received from our family and friends has humbled me on many occasions the last few days.  I'll say it again, our family and friends truly are the best.  From the bottom of my heart, thank you for sharing our lives with us.

As for Bridget, it's no surprise she is doing well and all medications are doing their job.  She has weekly appointments at this point to ensure she is on track for our transfer date.  Last Thursday she had her estradiol level checked and our nurse Leigh called to say, "Bridget's estradiol level is phenomenal!"  PHENOMENAL...Air five Bridget, you rock!  :)  Bring on the ultrasound next week!

Meet our Surrogate, Bridget!

I thought I would introduce my self. I am the surrogate. Bridget. I live in Boise. I have 3 kids, Jackson is 11, Rylee is 7 and Austin is 2.5.

I am married to Shawn.

I work part time as a hospice nurse.

I have been a gestational surrogate once before. Bringing two beautiful girls into this world 4.5 years ago. I have to say that was one of the coolest things I've ever done and I cant wait to experience that again.
I couldn't have imagined doing this for better people. Cody & Erin have been such a joy to get to know and I can't wait to take this crazy ride with them and give them their sweet baby.

I can share a little of what this has been like for me so far. When we were in Seattle in June I had blood work, a meeting with the Dr to go over my past medical history and what to expect with this clinic. I also had a sonohysterogram, which was a little camera put into my uterus to see how it looked inside. I have to admit, I was a little nervous for that part. I've heard other girls say they got valium and/or Vicodin for that and I got nothing. But in the end, meds would have been overkill. It was easy and pain free. Actually kinda cool, who gets to say, they've seen the inside of their uterus? Maybe that's the nurse in me. Shawn and I had a meeting with the psychologist to make sure we were just crazy enough to do this. Then we had a meeting with her and all 4 of us. To make sure we are all on the same page for the important things.
Once we navigated the murky waters of the legal contracts, it was on to meds.

I've been on Lupron for a couple weeks now. Its a small insulin needle injected into my stomach. I do that every evening. Now I'm also taking estrogen twice a day. Tomorrow I will double that dose and a few days after that I'll triple it. That is to thicken the lining of my uterus.  I am going in once a week to check and make sure the meds are working like their supposed to. So far so good.
I can't believe that in 3 weeks we go for the embryo transfer. For those unfamiliar with that. Its very similar to a pap smear. There's an ultrasound wand on my belly to help the Dr. see what he's doing, and he sticks this tiny little straw inside and places the embryos right inside the uterus. Its painless and quick. 

So that's a little about me and what's going on on my end. I am an open book so if anyone has any questions please feel free to ask.