Halfway there!

We have reached week 20!  Every week feels like a great accomplishment and milestone.  We've had a whirlwind few weeks which really isn't anything new for our family.  Our reception was amazing and everything we could have asked for.  Thank you to all of our friends and family who were able to travel near and far to come celebrate with us.  We were once again blown away by all of the love and support we have received from everyone.

Sigler 2016

My heart

Our friends are the best

A few short days after our reception we had to do some 12th hour rearranging of our Cancun vacation as Olivia's passport didn't arrive in time. Cody is a traveling genius and my voice of reason; the two of us rerouted an 8 day vacation to Mexico to Hawaii in about 4 hours roughly 18 hours before we boarded our first plane.  We pulled it off and spent a very teenage attitude, estrogen filled (I won't pretend I didn't contribute ;)) and fun in the sun 7 days in Hawaii.  We boarded a red eye home and landed very exhausted in Boise last Thursday afternoon.  The 4 of us were asleep by 7:30 pm and slept for a full 12 hours!  Which was good because we had our 19 week ultrasound and OB visit on Friday morning at 9:30.

Aloha 

The 4 of us were so excited after breakfast as we left our hotel on the way to the clinic.  It was fun to have the girls with us so they could see Bridget again, meet our Dr. and tour the hospital that we will deliver at.  When we arrived Bridget was waiting for us and she looks great.  We were whisked to our exam room pretty quickly where we got our first peek at our sweet baby.  During the survey the baby was tucked into a corner of B's uterus and also laying on its stomach.  Bridget had a very large contraction during most of the survey, which is completely normal, it just made it very tough to get a good look at our little baby.  Our ultrasound tech tried for almost an hour trying to look at everything she needed to but we just ran out of time and the baby wasn't cooperating.  The few good looks we had did reveal to us that it's a GIRL!

It's a GIRL!

Our next stop was an office visit with Dr. West where Bridget's vitals all looked great and she continues to rock this pregnancy.  I'll be honest, I'm a little jealous of how seamlessly B navigates pregnancy, I remember mine being less than glamorous and certainly nothing to write home about.  We are fortunate to have Bridget on our team, growing our family.  Dr. West came in and started discussing their findings and lack of findings on our ultrasound.  At one time I remember him talking and my whole body being numb trying to hold back tears that I knew were capable of falling at any moment and having to refocus so I could catch the end of his question to me.  Did we have genetic testing done?  That was the question.  No, we did not.  The reason genetic testing is important is because there is a "choroid plexus cyst" on her brain.  This could mean nothing at all and it could resolve without any significance to our pregnancy or it could be of great concern.  Bridget had her blood drawn for some genetic testing which will give us a clearer picture to rule out a genetic disorder called Trisomy 18 or Edwards Syndrome.  In itself a CPC is only considered a soft marker for potential problems and everything else looked good and non-concerning. We are erring on the side of caution and awaiting the Harmony test results which should be in by the end of this week.  I will return to Boise on January 5th for a repeat ultrasound and another appointment with Dr. West.

In a normal pregnancy and by normal I mean if I were carrying our baby, this is something I feel we wouldn't share until we knew for certain what, if anything at all was going on.   What makes this so different is that the purpose of this blog is to express how we are feeling as intended parents outside of the natural pregnancy, from a distance.  I can tell you as a mother my mind is racing and I am doing my best to maintain some sanity in the days between leaving Boise and waiting for these test results.  Cody, unfortunately has returned to work and that by far has been the hardest departure to date.  He brings some reasoning to my worry and is very good at looking at situations without a cloud of emotions. I hang on to hearing Cody tell me, "We are right where we are supposed to be and everything will work out the way it's supposed to." We've both done our fair share of reading and my coworkers (medical professionals) have been helpful in reassuring us that these cysts most always resolve and in itself are benign.  We are positive everything will be okay. <3

We drove home in a complete blizzard and -25℉ on Friday night, the girls were troopers and we were exhausted by the time we reached Bozeman.  Our families were coming over the next day for our Christmas celebration for Cody before he left for work and we had a lot of work cut out for us to prepare to reveal our baby girl's gender.  We woke up early on Saturday and made Christmas ornaments for our parents and put the finishing touches on wrapping presents and getting dinner ready.  It was very comforting to tell our parents and have other people outside of ourselves praying for what we know will be good news.  We were able to lay low for a few hours on Sunday morning to regain our bearings and let the last few days sink in and just be with each other. I needed that in preparation for him leaving the next day.

I love Mom and Dad- Merry Christmas

I usually write and let things set in for a little while before posting my blogs.  And it's a good thing I did.  Today while I was at work I received a text from Bridget saying the clinic had called her and said that the blood work came back as low risk for any genetic disorders and confirmation that she is indeed a girl!  :)  We are so excited and happy to hear that news today.  We can finally take a deep breath and look forward to our next appointment and ultrasound.  I'm absolutely overwhelmed with the love and support we received from our family and friends.  What an amazing month December has been for us, we are so fortunate and blessed.

Our sweet, sweet baby girl!

XO,
E

Happy Sweet 16 to Jaiden Laine today!

20 weeks

Today is the half way point of this pregnancy. I'm finally feeling normal. Morning sickness lasted until about 16 weeks. I do get more tired faster and I do have heartburn from hell but other than that I feel pretty good.

This belly is starting to pop out. I feel this sweet little baby move, mostly at night when I'm finally sitting down to rest.

We had our big 20 week ultrasound last week and baby Sigler couldn't have been more stubborn. She found a nice warm corner of my belly and decided to take a nap right there. We also found out that not only is it possible but also totally normal to have an hour long contraction. And of course that hour long contraction had to happen during our hour long ultrasound. It's like every odd stacked against us to get a good look at her was there. But we're going back in a couple weeks to take another look.

That about covers it for now. Enjoy your holidays!!

Making a movement!

Bridget felt the baby move for the first time today!  16 weeks and going strong!  Happy Wednesday!  👶🖒🎉

Xo

E

Hello 2nd Trimester!

Nesting is a verrrrrry real phenomenon.   I’m thinking of this while standing on our bathroom vanity dusting and washing the light fixtures seconds after rolling out of bed this morning. Pretty soon washing the light fixtures turns into cleaning the blades of the ceiling fans, washing the windows and vacuuming the window sills.  I’m sweating from cleaning and it’s only 10:45 am. I have an advantage during this pregnancy since I’m not battling morning sickness and using every ounce of energy I have to grow a healthy baby.  Instead, I’m using my energy to organize, clean, refinish furniture for a nursery and prepare for the spring.  It’s going to be a loooong winter, considering there isn’t even snow on the ground yet.

We have reached the 2^nd trimester, 15^th week of pregnancy and Bridget is finally showing!  This morning she sent me our 1^st pregnancy picture and she has the sweetest baby bump.  When we are able to visualize this pregnancy it is so much more real than in our day to day lives where we do not get to see Bridget.  It really is amazing how little time passes and how quickly B is growing Baby Sigler.  On the other hand, up until a few days ago time was creeping by for Bridget as she fought intense morning sickness. It left her unable to eat much, keep it down when she did and the ability to gain any weight.  She lost 6 pounds during the 1^st trimester! The good news is that she finally turned the corner and is feeling much better.

15 weeks 

Bridget had an OB appointment this afternoon and unfortunately we were unable to make it to Boise for that.  Cody is at work and my commitments at home were far too many to break away.  Bridget is doing so well and feeling well enough I knew she could manage this early appointment without us- of course she can- she’s incredible!  I received a series of texts after her appointment saying how quick and uneventful her appointment was.  That’s always what we want to hear!  Everything looked great, neither B or us had any concerns and either did Dr. West.  The best text was the last one I received….

151 bpm and strong heart tones!  We have watched every aspect of this pregnancy with our eyes, down to when it was a single cell. With both ultrasounds and the appointments up until today we were yet to hear our pregnancy with our ears.  So the sound of this little heart is music to our ears.

Cody and I have finally reached a point in our lives together with this pregnancy that we didn’t think we’d ever see when surrogacy became a real discussion for us over 4 years ago. We’ve had to overcome incredible obstacles and a lot of sweat and tears have poured into making this dream of ours a reality.  We continue to amaze me with this journey that feels so surreal. We are forever grateful to have Bridget on our team. Our household has been so busy the last 12 months and we’ve put many leisurely plans on hold so we could be available to whatever came our way with the potential pregnancy.  One of these things was our wedding and another was our family vacation. We are ready to break away with our family for a little while and celebrate what we’ve created and what we have so far.  The month of December is a month for honoring our family, small and large.  We will be celebrating our marriage, family and friends in early December when we finally have our wedding reception.  3 short days after our reception we are taking the girls to Cancun for our last family of 4 vacation, serious relaxing and preparation for the home stretch of our pregnancy.  The absolute icing on our reception and vacation cake is that we fly home to Boise for our next OB appointment and 20 week ultrasound…you know what that means?!  Hopefully we will be able to drive home knowing whether Baby Sigler is a boy or a girl with many more ultrasound pictures in our possession.  Then…the nesting will REALLY begin!

2016

XO

E

P.S.  Huge shout out to Jaiden and the Belgrade Panther volleyball team for taking 3^rd in Class A Volleyball this season!  J  

2016 Belgrade Lady Panther Volleyball

Small Great Things

It's been some time since I last sat down and put my thoughts on paper about where we are in our pregnancy.  Partially due to the fact that our lives run in SUPER CAT SPEED! as my niece Cami would say, but also because I've been digesting the reality of an addition to our family.

Olivia Craters of the Moon-Idaho

On Tuesday morning September 20th Jaiden, Olivia and I left for Boise.  We had a great travel day driving down, stopping at Craters of the Moon State Park and eating Idaho mashed potatoes :) .  We arrived just in time to check into our hotel, clean up a little and drive into town to meet Bridget and her family for dinner.  It was the first time my girls had met Bridget and her family and it was the first time I had met Bridget's mother Vickie, son Jackson and youngest daughter Austin.  It has been a pleasure to introduce our families and support crews!  We hope to be able to see them a lot more over this next year.  Our dinner really exposed how incredibly busy Bridget is as a mother in her life.  With 3 kids, a career and being pregnant, she has a lot of responsibilities.  She had been miserable all day with morning sickness and still made it to meet us for dinner.  I felt terrible for her because she couldn't even eat. We left relatively early and headed back to our hotel for the evening where the girls and I made it an early night.  All I could think about was our ultrasound in the morning!

Bridget, myself, Olivia and Jaiden after our heartbeat ultrasound- Boise, ID

 BABY SIGLER 

The next day was the day that we had been waiting for since August 22nd; September 21st, our heartbeat confirmation ultrasound appointment.  This appointment was the difference between the super exciting pink lines on the pee sticks and the actual visualization of a tiny, beating heart.  We left the hotel first thing in the morning to meet Bridget, Shawn and her daughter Austin at ICRM.  We were all escorted back to the smallest ultrasound room I've ever seen, or maybe it just felt that way because there were 8 sets of eyes watching the monitor, 1 (Cody) of which was half a world away watching via internet video streaming in the very early morning hours of Papua New Guinea.  We didn't have to wait long to see the tiny little heart fluttering.  YAY!!  Even more exciting and relieving for me was to see that there was only 1 heart, 1 baby!  The nurse was quick with the ultrasound because their clinic was only the monitoring clinic.  Their job is to simply confirm a heart beat and take a measurement for age.  We measured 0.95 cm which was exactly 7.0 weeks gestation-which was spot on to our dating.  The nurse was kind enough to give Bridget 6 ultrasound pictures to keep, which she gave to me!  I later put these in Cody's birthday card when he returned home from his last hitch.  The sweetest little welcome home present.  Our trip home was very quiet and uneventful.  The girls slept most of the way, we had beautiful fall weather and I had plenty of time to daydream and reflect.  Life between Idaho and Montana is ever so sweet.

We returned home and still had 9 more days until Cody came home from work.  The girls picked up where they left off with soccer and volleyball every day and I started filling in a little more than the usual at work.  Finally seeing our heart beat on ultrasound and unfortunately knowing how poorly Bridget was feeling was great reassurance to us as intended parents for increased positivity and hopes of a successful pregnancy.  With this forward motion and pregnancy confirmation I've had some difficult times in understanding my feelings.  Herein lies the problem with why I haven't shared any news and updates since September.  Every time I sit down to write and express our excitement, love and gratuity for Bridget and thoughts for our future I'm paralyzed with a writing block.  I'm not sure how to accurately express my very mixed feelings.

I'm confused because I have experienced pregnancy, twice in fact, and this time I am having a child with Cody and we are experiencing everything very separately and from a distance, both with each other and with Bridget living in Boise.  It's heartbreaking for me to know that Bridget is celebrating her wedding anniversary with her husband, enjoying a nice meal and bee lining it home just in time to throw it all up.  Each night I think about Bridget giving herself one more progesterone injection and how much pain it causes her, while my greatest discomfort at night is not going to bed at a decent hour.  It makes me feel selfish, not because it's my choice to not carry our child, but because I am hundreds of miles away, across a state line, eating my dinner and feeling fine.  I feel sad for Cody because he doesn't get the opportunity to live the day to day life of nine months of pregnancy with his wife, seeing all the glory and gory first hand.  He still gets the craziness of his wife, but that's forever.  ;) I wonder about the girls and how it must feel to know they will have a sibling soon, but also be experiencing this pregnancy from the sidelines- and suddenly one day bring a baby home.  Gestational surrogacy is amazing, beyond anything I ever understood and at times still continue to understand.  I feel selfish for being thankful to have been able to carry 2 pregnancies and own those experiences.  All of these feelings have compressed my joy, it's hard to experience happiness when others are uncomfortable.  I certainly do not want to overshadow anyone's feelings in all of the different aspects of our pregnancy.  So writing, which usually comes easily has for once been very, very difficult.  I spent all of October letting myself explore how I felt, what I am able to feel and observing how our family is feeling.  I haven't made much progress, but for me, writing is therapy, so after 4 paragraphs of trying, please feel this with me...

On September 22nd, the day after our heart beat confirmation ultrasound our nurse coordinator at SRM contacted me for the last time to inform us that we were officially released from them as the fertility clinic and could schedule our first OB appointment with Bridget's OB Dr. in Boise.  She went over final instructions for Bridget finishing her medication and giving herself injections through October 25th and congratulated us on our pregnancy.  So exciting and simultaneously terrifying.  Up until this point we have had a contact at SRM that Bridget or I could contact at any time with any questions or concerns we had.  Bridget's OB Dr. recently retired and is no longer seeing obstetric patients, so she needed to choose a new Dr. and have her medical records forwarded before we were able to make our appointment.  Bridget did a lot of research to find the perfect Dr. for her and us, we had some difficulty getting our records faxed to the new clinic, but we were able to schedule our appointment and finally everything fell into place.  When Bridget scheduled her appointment she was told that we would be having another ultrasound prior to meeting our Dr. and having her first OB appointment.  Thankfully her appointment was during the month that Cody was home from work, so on October 18th Cody and I drove down to Boise for a morning appointment on the 19th.  After a long day of driving, a uniform change- NLCS game 2 Dodgers vs. Cubs, we fell asleep celebrating a Dodgers WIN and a quiet evening.

Grabbing suckers for the drive!

We made it!

Go Dodgers!

Our appointment was at 9:30 am and Cody and I were actually wasting time before meeting Bridget and her husband Shawn at the clinic.  Cody was so excited he couldn't sit still, breath, speak clearly or quit smiling! St. Lukes in Boise is where Bridget's clinic is and right next door is the hospital.  The access is going to be incredibly ideal and comfortable.  After getting lost next door in the hospital Code called B and we found our way to the clinic.  Seeing Shawn and Bridget again, even for a short time is always such a pleasure.  The guys have so much in common with their jobs and experiences it gives Bridget and I the opportunity to chat and talk about the pregnancy and juggling our children.  :)  A constant thought of mine is about how thankful I am to be able to have a comfortable relationship with Bridget and Shawn, even when I'm short on words our conversations are easy and enjoyable.  The bond and work that goes into creating life, having the same but separate goals, milestones and outcomes with a person and family that were strangers merely a year ago is the quickest transitional relationship I've experienced.  When I met Bridget I couldn't wait to text her every day to get to know all I possibly could about her.  Once we started talking I was so at ease, really feeling Cody and I had been blessed with a surrogate who was the perfect fit for us.  Months later, multiple visits, 2 weekends in Seattle, continued texting and this visit was again confirmation that Bridget is exactly who we needed and are fortunate to have be our surrogate.

Walking into the clinic

St. Luke's- Boise, ID

On our way to the clinic I was panicking that we'd get to the clinic and the staff would be overwhelmed by our appointments where there were 4 people in the room.  Do we have to explain to everyone each time what our situation is?  Bridget informed me that she had already told the clinic our pregnancy was a surrogate pregnancy.  She is always thinking..one step ahead of me.  Our ultrasound was the first part of our appointment.  We were situated in our room, I pulled out my camera to record parts of the ultrasound and take pictures, I was soooo ready.  Cody taps my shoulder and points to a sign hanging directly in front of my face, that I'm obviously not paying any attention to: NO CAMERAS, NO VIDEO RECORDINGS OR PICTURES, NO CELL PHONES.  Well, bummer!  As soon as the ultrasound touched Bridget's stomach we saw our baby!  4 weeks ago at our ultrasound the baby was a ball of cells with a tiny fluttering heart.  Today we were able to see our healthy, growing baby!  We saw it's sweet little nose, hands, legs and strong heart.  170 beats per minute in fact.  We were 11 weeks pregnant that day and on ultrasound the baby measured 11 weeks 4 days!  Again kudos to Bridget for always being one step ahead of the game.  :)  The radiology tech was wonderful in letting us ooohhh and awwwww for awhile, which allowed us to watch the baby wiggle all over the place, stretch (completely stretched out legs and tiny feet!) and be mesmerized by its tiny heart.  With our hearts beaming and a pocket full of pictures we were escorted to an exam room where a nurse took all of Bridget's medical history.  The nurse was great with talking with Cody and I and including us in this initial appointment.  Next we met Dr. West, a highly recommended Dr. by Bridget's surrogacy support group and friends alike.  He was an immediate hit with Cody- He's a Dodger's fan and they spent some time discussing the game the night before.  We felt instant comfort with Dr. West.  He was soft spoken with Bridget, Cody and I.  Bridget was prepared with her concerns for her morning sickness and very proactive in giving Dr. West all of the information he needed to know.  Throughout the appointment I kept being in awe at the questions and medical detail Bridget gave Dr. West because they didn't even cross my mind.  Another reason I know she is always doing her best and looking out for Cody and I in an area we are so unfamiliar with.  Dr. West is also allowing us to be flexible with dates for when we are able to do our gender ultrasound as to be sure Cody will be home.  Between now and then he will see Bridget one other time for a routine monthly visit.  I am hoping to be able to make it back down for this appointment, but unfortunately Cody will be back at work.  Dr. West is also so pleased with Bridget's delivery history that he offered the option of being induced up to a week prior to our due date should she choose.  One more wonderful tool for surrogates when it comes to planning.  He also offered the opportunity for us to make an appointment for a tour of the labor and delivery and explained that in most surrogacy deliveries we will have a pod with Bridget so she has a room and we have a room with the baby after delivery for everyone's comfort.  We have been blown away by the efforts of Bridget, the staff at the clinic and the projected hospital experience as they guide us as intended parents and a team with Bridget to create an as organic as possible birthing experience.   As we left the clinic, I felt that they had all adequately wrapped their arms around us and will take wonderful care of us.  I couldn't have dreamed we'd ever be here, but here we are today on the brink of having the first trimester under Bridget's belt.

Cody and I spent the first hour of our drive home analyzing every little detail in the ultrasound pictures, immediately sending pictures to our families.  We finally feel like we have a little room to breath and relax, knowing that our baby is growing, by the best person imaginable and we have a clinical team that we can trust and feel comfortable with.  Deep breath innnnn and outttttt.  We are SO pregnant!  :)

When I was struggling with writing and trying to grasp what was happening and transpiring in our lives I was gifted a sign to keep digging into my feelings for understanding.  My favorite author released a new book.  I had pre-ordered it months ago, so when it showed up on my doorstep the timing couldn't have been more right.  Jodi Picoult's latest Novel is called Small Great Things, coincidentally it is based on a controversial story about a labor and delivery nurse.  I stood in my dining room, holding my new treasure and daydreamed all of the incredible things happening in our lives.  From the girls success's in school and athletics, to Cody's job and now our baby, our life is full of many small, great, things.   And to that...I write.

XO.

E

Sorry to leave you all hanging

Its been too long. This poor blog has been neglected. Last time it was updated we had beta numbers and now were 10 weeks pregnant. Things have been going great. We had our 1st ultrasound 3 weeks ago where we saw one tiny little healthy baby. Baby was measuring right on track. It was so nice to have Erin there for that. I loved meeting her girls.

These last few weeks I've been feeling nauseous pretty much all the time. But worse than that I am SO tired. Not sleepy tired, just exhausted. Like I could lay in bed or on the couch 24hrs a day. Unfortunately having 3 kids and a job, that's not always possible. (or never possible) I know it will soon pass though and I also know that it means baby is doing good.

I have my 1st OB appt next Wednesday. We will have an ultrasound before we meet with the Dr. Its a new OB that I have never seen before. I'm nervous about that. I've been going to the same Dr. for 12 years. He's delivered all of my babies and my surrogate babies. Sadly earlier this year he told me he was retiring. I felt pretty lost. I asked him if his daughter was pregnant who would he tell her to see. He said Dr. West. I also asked in a local surrogate group I'm in for recommendations and Dr. West came highly recommended. So I took that as a sign and made my decision.

We had some trouble with the clinic in Seattle sending over a referral so it took longer than we wanted to get into the OB but its almost here now. C & E are going to come to Boise to come to my appt with me. I love that they want to be so involved and are able to come for the big appts.

At 10 weeks baby is a little over an inch long. Google says baby is about the size of a prune or a strawberry. All of the vital organs are now formed and are now starting to work. Its too early to feel movements but I do feel some stretching of my uterus. If I'm laying down and roll over I can feel some pulling. It won't be long until it pops out. I lay on my stomach at night as much as I can because I know that won't last long.

I think that's all for now. Sorry to leave you all hanging for so long. I kept a pregnancy blog when I carried the twins and I remember how hard it was to update it when life gets busy. But I love having it now to look back on. So I'm going to get better and this.

In Pregnancy Limbo

So this is what we've been waiting for, and waiting for and interestingly enough are still...waiting for.  Pregnancy through IVF and gestational surrogacy should come with a disclaimer about the amount of time each individual will dedicate to waiting, thinking about waiting and losing sleep while waiting for the next big event.  There's this feeling of restraint to want to celebrate, start planning and just plain relax for a moment; but we can't...not just yet.  I have been fortunate enough to carry two of my children so I have this special insider, outsider seat while witnessing this pregnancy.  At this point in my pregnancies I was just confirming or about to confirm a positive pregnancy test around week 6.  Today I woke up and the first thing I did was look at my newly downloaded pregnancy widget to read about what week 6 pregnancy development will bring and to visualize a pomegranate seed (that's how big he is!)  ;)  The beauty and the beast in IVF is waiting and anticipating every step.  From the very beginning everything is so controlled, we are fully aware of each and every step and you can spend hours thrown into reading about each step, just to pass the time to get to the next milestone.  If I'm muddy in my explanation, maybe I should just get to my train of thought.

Each time Bridget posts a blog I am immediately humbled by her patience and kind heart while enduring all of these terrible pregnancy side effects solely to benefit our family.  Not only is she doing this for our family, she is doing it and I am not.  I remember how miserable morning sickness was and being so tired I just wanted to take five.  On top of those pregnancy woes, add relentless nightly progesterone injections that will remind you that they've been there for months to come.  This woman, Bridget, is so much more than our gestational carrier, she is truly a warrior.  For a minute...pregnancy Goddess aside, Bridget is also a wife, to her husband Shawn, who works rotational shifts in North Dakota (they live in Boise) so she holds down the household many nights alone.  A household that consists of 3 of their own children, Jackson, Rylee and Austin who all keep her running in different directions at any given time.  She is also a professional, who has dedicated her career to a field that she is passionate about and cares deeply for, she is a Hospice nurse.  Bridget truly is a Super Woman.  So we have Super Woman carrying our baby...which is pretty cool.  She is doing all of these amazing things, while having to live with the side effects of the medications needed for our pregnancy and the symptoms caused by the pregnancy. 

A state over for me and across the world for Cody, not much has changed in our day to day lives.  I'm still kept busy with Jaiden and Olivia's school and sports.  Cody is still working hard and away from home.  The most discomfort I've had lately are signs of aging and a sinus infection.  So when Bridget blogs about her discomforts I am stopped short in my tracks.  In our day to day, we do not have the opportunity or ability to see the less than glamorous aspects of what it takes to make our pregnancy a success.  There's a little discontent that sits with me regarding that and it's a daily thought and struggle I wrestle with.  It just doesn't seem fair that Bridget has to deal with all of this discomfort and we have none, emotions aside.  So my long winded point is, the waiting part as an intended parent (That's Cody and I!) is also something I wasn't prepared for.  I don't have the pregnancy side effects, I don't have the knots in my butt from giving myself progesterone injections every day and I don't have anything to remind me, except for myself and occasionally those of you who reach out with hugs and kind words, that we are; in fact, pregnant.  What we have is a lot of time between each milestone appointment on our Fertility Calendar to analyze every little thing that isn't right in front of our face every day.  These countdowns are brutal...AND I wish I could take all of Bridget's pain and morning sickness away.

My previous thoughts on Bridget's discomfort came full circle in a late night text tonight:

B: My injection tonight only involved me saying the F word about 9 times. My butt is getting so sore. And it's got some big knots and it sucks to push the needle through these knots.

Me: OH NO!!!!!!!!!! I hate that. I wish you didn't have to do these stupid injections. On top of just being pregnant, it makes it 1000x worse. :(

Does laying on a heating pad eating Stroop Waffles help? ;)

Because I can send more!

It is so hard to fall asleep at night knowing that she is going to sleep in pain.  I can't keep sending sweet treats to make her feel better, so I hope we can finish these medications ASAP and put this part of the pregnancy behind us before she's in a sugar coma!  Any kind words that you have for Bridget, please don't hesitate to offer her, she deserves every single one!

6 MORE DAYS UNTIL OUR HEARTBEAT ULTRASOUND! 

This is our current countdown.  The girls and I will be heading to Boise next Tuesday morning.  They are very excited to meet Bridget's family and be at the first ultrasound with me.  I wanted to bring them along since Cody will still be at work and not able to physically be there.  We are hoping to have good enough Wi-Fi during our appointment which is 8:30 am our time and 12:30 am the following morning in PNG to be able to Skype with Cody so he doesn't miss it entirely.  I visualize that little heart beating every single night.  I love trying to guess the numbers for each visit.  I did it with all of the beta's Bridget had too, ask her, she thinks I'm crazy!  :)  She even says, "I love your random numbers you choose!"  Which means, Erin, you're crazy!  At our 3rd beta I guessed her level would be 1582 based on her 9 day post 5 day transfer beta being 201.  Her level was 1587!  Not tooooo bad.  It's easy to guess great values when your surrogate is Super Woman.  Our next milestone that we are waiting for (*sigh*) is our 7 week heartbeat confirmation ultrasound.  Each new week comes around on Wednesday's- so this last Wednesday we were 6 weeks pregnant, next Wednesday and our ultrasound day we will be 7 weeks pregnant and for all of those who haven't recently spent hours looking at every new fetal development and visualizing it's size by comparing it to a small seed or nut- what we hope to see is a fast fluttering heart inside something say, the size of a blueberry.   My guess is... 167 beats per minute. ;)

Cheers!
xo
Erin

Starting to "feel" pregnant

I will be 6 weeks pregnant on Wednesday and I am finally feeling pregnant. I get nauseous off and on throughout the day. I have to eat snack right before I go to bed and I have to eat something right when I wake up. Which is not like me. I usually go a couple hours before needing to eat. I keep a box of crackers in my car to munch on throughout the day.

We had our 1st beta which came back at 100. We repeated that blood test about 45hrs later and it was 201. They look to see if the 1st number doubles every 48-72hrs. We had one more blood test 5 days later and it was 1587. Our numbers are doubling perfectly. We have our 1st ultrasound next Wednesday the 21st. We will be exactly 7 weeks pregnant then. We fully expect to see the baby's heartbeat then.

I'm still on my favorite nightly shot. My butt is so sore. Its numb on the sides, I have knots all over. One is the size of a golf ball and many other are the size of peas. And its still so itchy. I switched oils a few weeks ago thinking that might help but it really hasn't. When I do scratch the itch's, it turns into hives. Its pretty awful but I really don't mind as its all in the name of Baby Sigler. This is what I signed up for. When the nurse told me I would be doing these until the end of October, I did want to cry though. I knew I'd be on them for awhile but that seemed so far away.

It still seems surreal that this really happened and that the transfer worked. As much as I wanted the transfer to work, I had also mentally prepared my self for it not working. Probably to guard my emotions. So when I started testing and was seeing a faint line I was SHOCKED. I didn't believe it at first. I am in a surrogate transfer group on line, where we all transferred around the same time. I shared my pic in the group and when they saw the faint line, I felt comfortable enough to share it with Cody & Erin. I was so nervous that I would send it and they would be like, "we don't see anything". It was so fun to test every day and share with them and watch the line get darker and darker.
So now we wait, yet again, for the big ultrasound.

We're Pregnant! :)

Hello from a land just over the land down under (work)! I have been awaking every morning here with great intentions of entering a post. With that being said I find myself crashing out as soon as I get out of the sweltering heat and to my air conditioned room to sit on my bed for "just a minute". Time change + jungle heat= exhaustion!

As I lay on my bed now and think back over the past few days/weeks/months and years I feel very fortunate to be where I am today. The gravity of the last few days has really made me think about my life and now our lives as a growing little family.

I look back to the times in the past where I didn't know if a wife, a child, or even a family was in my future. All of these things I had always strived for and the stars just had never lined up for me. For anyone that knows me, I have a very hard time being down or discouraged too long. I felt that there were more lessons to be learned or experiences to have to make me the best person I could be for the right young lady.

Then one summer night while hanging out with Beau, Erin came along and changed my life. I knew she was the one when I first saw her and I thought to myself - this is what I've been waiting for, and in a snap it all made sense. She's beautiful, kind, intelligent and only like a 4 to 5 crazy! She was in the wife zone haha! If you've made it this far in our blog then you know the rest of the story!! I can't express how she and the girls have changed my world and I couldn't imagine my life in any other way. They've shown me what life is and what is important. They have accepted me into their lives and loved me, I'm forever grateful to be a part of their busy lives.

As in Erin's previous post the last few days before I left there were some tense feelings. Every morning, Erin would wake up and check her phone immediately looking for any messages from B. The first few mornings after we got back she'd scan her phone, and then ask me "you get any messages from Bridget?" She was wound tighter than 2 dollar watch. When we finally got the message, I was so happy I don't really have words to describe the feeling. Amazing, excited, thrilled, scared, blessed and a million other adjectives all in one second. I'll never forget that moment as long as I live.  All of EVERYTHING we had worked so hard for, so diligently, with nothing guaranteed had came to a pinnacle outside of Fergus High School. Who would've thought? Life is crazy, in every way and I love the feeling of a dream coming true! That's what makes life worth living to me. What a day!

I came to work and started on my first day 9/1 in PNG and also Livvys birthday! Well to be honest it was still August in the U.S. but for me it was Livs day! Erin sent me a text at 6:45 a.m. saying exactly this-

"We are OFFICIALLT pregnant at 2:43 August 31st!  ��"

Looks like she was so excited her phone couldn't keep up with her texting speed! So everyone, it's official. I couldn't be more happy and more blessed. I can't wait to see what our future holds. Well bye for now, and thanks for reading my entry.

Erin- feel free to edit any spelling or grammar errors. I had to type this on my phone:( love you babe

Erin:

Cody this made me laugh so hard!  Cody is the master of finding funny YouTube videos.  I am a 4-5 crazy.  I'll take it!  :)  We are pregnant and SO excited!! 

XO
E

Looking to our Future

I've been doing a lot of looking to our future(s) lately, especially as time seems to be creeping by suddenly. I've thumbed through baby pictures of Jaiden and Olivia, who start their Sophomore and 6th grade years in just a few days, contemplating how fast time has actually flown by. I wonder and inquire about their thoughts and feelings on bringing a baby home next year. They grew up little, together. A sibling will bring a whole new dynamic to their sisterhood, which may or may not be beneficial depending on their current mood. The past few weeks while Cody has been home I've found myself watching and listening to him, imagining his interactions and lessons when he becomes a parent. Since there seems to be 48 hours in each 24 now, I have even reread our entire Egg Donor profile, looking at it all the more intently hoping for a positive outcome. The future does hold many unknowns for us and that takes my breath away at times when I least expect it. I've had a tough few days post transfer, feelings I didn't expect to experience came out of nowhere. The guilt of not being able to carry Cody's child or even be DNA related has taken negative thoughts of mine by storm. I've had to pull myself through by looking back on the girls being babies, reliving those moments and looking forward to watching and sharing Cody have these same experiences. This is another time where I believe my purpose is to experience ALL aspects of this life. I'm happy I had those feelings earlier this week, although they do not feel great to navigate through they reiterated for the millionth time how fortunate we are to have this opportunity and how incredible Bridget is for making it come true. Any self help expert will tell you that looking towards the future is unhealthy, live in the present, live for today, but perhaps in this one instant, looking towards OUR future is our present, our today and our greatest hope.

Jaiden Laine

Olivia Dru

The first 5 days post transfer must have been the longest 5 days of my life. I sent Bridget ridiculous texts every day asking her how she felt and if she felt pregnant yet. She always humored me and replied. I checked my phone incessantly for any communication from Bridget, hurry up days, GO BY! On the 27th Jaiden had her first volleyball tournament in Lewistown so Cody, my Mom and I all drove up to watch. The girls were starting to warm up for their next match, Cody was out on a walk and my Mom and I were trying to keep our eyes open while sitting in the hot gym. At 2:07 pm I receive a text from Bridget asking if the waiting is killing me. K.I.L.L.I.N.G me I say. Bridget responds in a way that made my stomach immediately drop, "So they say even a faint positive is still a positive right?" To which I reply, YOU'RE killing me, because let's face it, this is the text I've been anxiously awaiting! She so politely reminds me that it's still really early, but...Do you see it?!

Look close, it's there!

I probably hit my Mom in the arm harder than I should have and looked at her with the biggest eyes as I showed her the texts from Bridget. Then she pushes me and says, "Well go find Cody!" I swear I stumbled out of the gym and probably had a look of pure shock, but I made my way outside to find Cody. In front of Fergus High we silently celebrated while still trying to contain our excitement until after August 31st when she has her first beta hcG blood test for confirmation of pregnancy. For me- there's no containing my excitement, I am ready to start preparing for another family member! Cody is definitely trying to anchor us and stay calm until every milestone through the first trimester is reached. Understandable, but polar opposite. :) After the game I tried to whisper in Jaiden's ear to tell her our great news and she hugged me so tightly and started to cry I couldn't let her go. All of her teammates and coaches were wondering what in the heck was wrong with Jaiden. When we told them we received great news her team and coaches knew immediately what that meant, it was so special to be surrounded by our Belgrade volleyball family. Thank you coaches for allowing us that moment! ;)

Over the next 4 days Bridget continued to send us daily pregnancy tests that show the progression of barely there to YES! Over these last days of Cody being home we spent time with our families, friends and the girls without the added anticipation of whether or not the transfer had been successful. It was nice to have a couple of days to breath before gearing up for her blood test for confirmation tomorrow. Cody has returned to work again and we are gearing up for the girls to start school tomorrow. It's weird...but time seems to have stopped again.

It's our day, Wednesday August 31st, the girls have left for school and Bridget has a few more hours until her blood test. Which means, I won't get the results for a few hours after that. I decided to pass the time with a nap so I wouldn't stare at my phone for the next 6 hours! Finally after achieving a morning nap and cleaning my house from top to bottom I received the call we had been waiting for for the last 2 years. Bridget IS PREGNANT! Her first beta (hcG blood draw) is 100. Once again, they want it to be over 50 and Bridget far surpassed that expectation. We will repeat this blood work on Friday to make sure her level increases and then we keep moving! As soon as I go off the phone with SRM I sent Cody a message as quickly as I could. He is SO excited and can't concentrate on work at all. Cody sent a message out to our family and we are feeling very POSITIVE. Through this whole process, all of the sleepless nights, emotions and bumps in our road we would not have had the strength we have had without the support of all of our friends, family, community members and even strangers who have encouraged us along the way. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for all the kind texts, motivation and prayers. When we decided to choose this road, there was no way to fully comprehend what we had in store, what we have found is far greater than just our growing family, we have found that our friends are our family and our family is our anchor. Our hearts are bursting tonight. Cherry on top, the Braves beat the Padres and the Dodgers beat the Rockies!

The test Bridget sent me this morning before her blood draw- it sealed my confidence!

In Cody's words, Who's your Daddy?!

Here we go!

Cheers!

xo

E

   

August 22nd Transfer!

Loading our embryo!

Transfer Day!

We had our transfer day on Monday 8/22/16, 2 days later than anticipated which turns out to be good news.  We met Bridget in Seattle on Sunday morning and stayed in a super comfortable VRBO for the duration of our stay.  We arrived a few hours before Bridget and since we had left our house at 4:45 am after going to bed at 2:00 am (we couldn't sleep!) to say the least, we were very tired.  We drove to the nearest Target and bought 2 pillows and a blanket, Cody then drove us down to the beach and we slept for awhile before going back to the airport to get B.  :) 

The beach where we slept

We did some grocery shopping and had a fun dinner at the most bizarrely decorated restaurant called Bizzaros.  We didn't have reservations and the restaurant was pretty full when we arrived because Sunday nights were their famous meat balls special.  We were immediately sat at "The Best Seat in the House" which consisted of hundreds of love notes, poetry, declarations and drawings left by everyone who had sat at this table.  It was great Italian food, wine and conversation on the eve of our transfer.  Bridget even left a note from our dinner.  We laughed a lot!  This seat is the "Best Seat in Seattle" now as far as I'm concerned!

Sitting across from the 2 BEST people who want me to put their baby in my belly.  I can't wait!  Bridget.  <3

On Monday morning we woke up and took our time getting ready and made breakfast prior to our 11:30 am appointment.  We grabbed a coffee on our way to the clinic and checked in around 11:00.  The SRM staff was wonderfully comforting, knowledgeable and kind.  Bridget had her labs drawn and we were taken back to Transfer Room 1.  While Bridget was inside changing Cody and I stepped out into the hallway and a wave of emotions overwhelmed me.  We were on the cusp of our transfer and we have worked so incredibly hard to align ourselves for this moment.  All I could do was cry in his arms.  A sweet man walked past us and stopped and asked if everything was alright.  We politely said it was and he proceeded through some office doors.  A couple of minutes later we were back inside our transfer room where we met with our embryologist and she gave us a picture of our best little Sigler embryo that we were transferring.  When we were ready to start the transfer the sweet man from the hallway walked into our room and introduced himself as Dr. Letterie.  I was immediately calmed by his presence and was ready to go.  I held Bridget's hand , Cody recorded the process and the actual transfer took less than 3 minutes.  It went very smoothly, Bridget sailing through the whole process and we were out of the clinic by 12:30.  We weren't quite ready to go home after we left the clinic so we walked through Pikes Place Market and drove out to Lake Washington and had a nice lunch by the water.  After lunch we drove home and spent the afternoon and evening relaxing, putting our feet up and talking.  It was such a great day.  We had our transfer and relaxed with Bridget who has such a special place in my heart.  AND, she even let me give her her Progesterone in oil injection on the night of the transfer! 

Where the magic happened!

We did it!

Bridget is READY!

5 Day Sigler Blastocyst

Morning of transfer

The tiny white dot is our Sigler embryo in it's HOME AWAY FROM HOME!

Life is Good...The perfect ending to a whirlwind 48 hours.  Celebrating what we hope is new life.

We have all returned home and dove right back into our busy lives of parenting and every day life.  Cody is preparing to head back to work on the 29th and Bridget's children returned to school yesterday.  Life seems to be flying by while standing incredibly still.  Bridget has her blood drawn for a quantitative HCG (pregnancy hormone) test on August 31st and I swear the minutes to that are not moving.  However each day is passing with all of our sports, practices and errands preparing for back to school ourselves. Every moment is spent hoping and praying that our embryo sticks and we have POSITIVE news on the 31st.  There was so much buildup to the 3 minutes that was our actual transfer and now it seems we have nothing but time on our hands while we wait....and wait...and oh ya...WAIT.  As they say, anything worth waiting for is worth the wait...or something like that. ;)