Looking to our Future

I've been doing a lot of looking to our future(s) lately, especially as time seems to be creeping by suddenly. I've thumbed through baby pictures of Jaiden and Olivia, who start their Sophomore and 6th grade years in just a few days, contemplating how fast time has actually flown by. I wonder and inquire about their thoughts and feelings on bringing a baby home next year. They grew up little, together. A sibling will bring a whole new dynamic to their sisterhood, which may or may not be beneficial depending on their current mood. The past few weeks while Cody has been home I've found myself watching and listening to him, imagining his interactions and lessons when he becomes a parent. Since there seems to be 48 hours in each 24 now, I have even reread our entire Egg Donor profile, looking at it all the more intently hoping for a positive outcome. The future does hold many unknowns for us and that takes my breath away at times when I least expect it. I've had a tough few days post transfer, feelings I didn't expect to experience came out of nowhere. The guilt of not being able to carry Cody's child or even be DNA related has taken negative thoughts of mine by storm. I've had to pull myself through by looking back on the girls being babies, reliving those moments and looking forward to watching and sharing Cody have these same experiences. This is another time where I believe my purpose is to experience ALL aspects of this life. I'm happy I had those feelings earlier this week, although they do not feel great to navigate through they reiterated for the millionth time how fortunate we are to have this opportunity and how incredible Bridget is for making it come true. Any self help expert will tell you that looking towards the future is unhealthy, live in the present, live for today, but perhaps in this one instant, looking towards OUR future is our present, our today and our greatest hope.

Jaiden Laine

Olivia Dru

The first 5 days post transfer must have been the longest 5 days of my life. I sent Bridget ridiculous texts every day asking her how she felt and if she felt pregnant yet. She always humored me and replied. I checked my phone incessantly for any communication from Bridget, hurry up days, GO BY! On the 27th Jaiden had her first volleyball tournament in Lewistown so Cody, my Mom and I all drove up to watch. The girls were starting to warm up for their next match, Cody was out on a walk and my Mom and I were trying to keep our eyes open while sitting in the hot gym. At 2:07 pm I receive a text from Bridget asking if the waiting is killing me. K.I.L.L.I.N.G me I say. Bridget responds in a way that made my stomach immediately drop, "So they say even a faint positive is still a positive right?" To which I reply, YOU'RE killing me, because let's face it, this is the text I've been anxiously awaiting! She so politely reminds me that it's still really early, but...Do you see it?!

Look close, it's there!

I probably hit my Mom in the arm harder than I should have and looked at her with the biggest eyes as I showed her the texts from Bridget. Then she pushes me and says, "Well go find Cody!" I swear I stumbled out of the gym and probably had a look of pure shock, but I made my way outside to find Cody. In front of Fergus High we silently celebrated while still trying to contain our excitement until after August 31st when she has her first beta hcG blood test for confirmation of pregnancy. For me- there's no containing my excitement, I am ready to start preparing for another family member! Cody is definitely trying to anchor us and stay calm until every milestone through the first trimester is reached. Understandable, but polar opposite. :) After the game I tried to whisper in Jaiden's ear to tell her our great news and she hugged me so tightly and started to cry I couldn't let her go. All of her teammates and coaches were wondering what in the heck was wrong with Jaiden. When we told them we received great news her team and coaches knew immediately what that meant, it was so special to be surrounded by our Belgrade volleyball family. Thank you coaches for allowing us that moment! ;)

Over the next 4 days Bridget continued to send us daily pregnancy tests that show the progression of barely there to YES! Over these last days of Cody being home we spent time with our families, friends and the girls without the added anticipation of whether or not the transfer had been successful. It was nice to have a couple of days to breath before gearing up for her blood test for confirmation tomorrow. Cody has returned to work again and we are gearing up for the girls to start school tomorrow. It's weird...but time seems to have stopped again.

It's our day, Wednesday August 31st, the girls have left for school and Bridget has a few more hours until her blood test. Which means, I won't get the results for a few hours after that. I decided to pass the time with a nap so I wouldn't stare at my phone for the next 6 hours! Finally after achieving a morning nap and cleaning my house from top to bottom I received the call we had been waiting for for the last 2 years. Bridget IS PREGNANT! Her first beta (hcG blood draw) is 100. Once again, they want it to be over 50 and Bridget far surpassed that expectation. We will repeat this blood work on Friday to make sure her level increases and then we keep moving! As soon as I go off the phone with SRM I sent Cody a message as quickly as I could. He is SO excited and can't concentrate on work at all. Cody sent a message out to our family and we are feeling very POSITIVE. Through this whole process, all of the sleepless nights, emotions and bumps in our road we would not have had the strength we have had without the support of all of our friends, family, community members and even strangers who have encouraged us along the way. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for all the kind texts, motivation and prayers. When we decided to choose this road, there was no way to fully comprehend what we had in store, what we have found is far greater than just our growing family, we have found that our friends are our family and our family is our anchor. Our hearts are bursting tonight. Cherry on top, the Braves beat the Padres and the Dodgers beat the Rockies!

The test Bridget sent me this morning before her blood draw- it sealed my confidence!

In Cody's words, Who's your Daddy?!

Here we go!

Cheers!

xo

E